The Misunderstood Master

I often use my blog as a means for getting out my own inner turmoil in a thoughtful way. I think words are powerful, they can break down and they can build up, and I find incredible beauty in them. I, personally, find it so important to write things in a thoughtful way, to stir curiosity in others, and my personal favorite: put words to things that others can’t describe. The beauty I long to communicate is a beauty from a land much more beautfiul—and real— than this one. 

But today I want to zero in on something that has been nipping at me, like a gnat in late summer. A very present struggle that I’ve been battling in my mind for a while now about God’s goodness despite my own personal suffering, and despite some of his rules. I shared a post on Facebook about the rainbow being a sign of God’s promise, not of gay pride, and received a lot of backlash—most of my posts get some backlash, but this one was more than typical. And I understand why.

When Jesus came to earth, his earthly ministry was preceded by a man named John the Baptist. John the Baptist’s whole ministry was to prepare the people for the Messiah. His message was a simple one, and one that was often ill-received, depending on who you were. His message was this: Repent from your sins, for the kingdom of God is at hand. And then BOOM, Jesus shows up and John the Baptist says these profound words: “Behold, the lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! This is he of whom I said, ‘After me comes a man who ranks before me, because he was before me.’”

Then Jesus comes on scene, though it’s not like he wasn’t alive before this moment. He lived and grew in Nazareth and Egypt, and “grew in wisdom” as the Word says, all the while working as a carpenter. Jesus begins his ministry by standing in front of a crowd of people and reading from a scroll in a synagogue, and saying that “this day this prophecy has been revealed.” Wow! How cool, and BOLD, is that! In front of all of the religious people! I bet they were confused!

And it becomes clear as we see his ministry unfold, that the religious people, the Pharisees, Sadducees and those that held to the law, became more than confused at his words. They became indignant. This man was claiming to be equal to God, to speak the words of God, to do things that (according to them) were against the law, but not the law that God created, THEIR law, that made them seem more holy. They hated Jesus, and oftentimes it seems like these were the only ones that Jesus rebuked.

But today I am thinking about all those other people that followed Jesus. He was a hit, no doubt. Crowds and crowds of people followed him, “pressed in on him”, and listened to him speak. He was a man for the people, a friend of prostitutes and sinners. He ate with them, promoted them to his own disciples, and even said in the Beatitudes that it was the meek, the spiritual poor, those that mourn, that would receive the kingdom of God. He was very liberal, in a sense. And that’s what we all love about Jesus, isn’t it?

And yet, in his ministry, there was a certain point that Jesus allowed to unfold where he knew he would lose many of his followers. Actually, many such points. One of these was when he told the people that they would have to eat his body and drink his blood to inherit eternal life (John 6), and he wasn’t very clear about the meaning behind these words. Many people stopped following him that day, and I can understand why. If I thought he was asking me to be a cannibal then I probably wouldn’t follow him either, but they couldn’t see what he was really saying. 

Or there was the time when a rich ruler came to him and asked simply, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” He continued to explain that he followed Moses’s law since he was young. That must be enough, right? That’s what the Torah commanded of them! But Jesus’ words left him very sad. Jesus told him “to sell all that he had and distribute it to the poor and come and follow me” (Luke 18:22). Jesus then continued by saying that it was more easy for a camel to enter through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to inherit eternal life. “Then who can be saved?” The disciples asked, with good reason. And Jesus’ words leave even me, perplexed. “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” (Luke 18:22). 

Today, I’m pressed with the reality that God doesn’t need followers. He wasn’t looking for fame or popularity with the people, though he had it. He was Love itself, afterall. He fed the people that listened to his messages in a miraculous way, and then corrected them for following him just because he could feed them. Jesus, throughout his ministry was focused on one cause. And that was the Kingdom of God. He was establishing a Kingdom that can’t be seen with eyes, though it is amongst us (Luke 17:21). He was trying to get the people to think in a heavenly way, and to show them what is truly on God’s heart.

So when someone today commented on my post and said “Hateful”, and another insinuated that I had been “brainwashed”, I can’t help but see Jesus when he said, “They hate you because they hated me first” (John 15:18). For the last several months I myself have battled with God. I have wrestled with him over the lot I have in my life. My mind is a mess, my soul is fragmented, I have been tormented beyond belief and experienced realities that no one on earth should. And yet somehow, God has quickened in my spirit a desire to explain his heart, because if I don’t, many people will experience an eternal fate that is worse than what I’ve experienced on this earth. And that, I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

When I met Jesus, it was easy for me to give up most of what I thought was important to me, because at that time it had mainly become drugs, partying and lustful activities. I let him transform these parts, and I changed very quickly. But when I really began to think about it, and remember who I had been before I became seriously addicted, it was hard for me to receive the fact that being gay was a sin, if that were true at all. I couldn’t comprehend why a loving God would condemn someone for who they were. But I had encountered his love, so I continued to follow him, shelving that for a while.

And that’s how God was with his followers. He showed them the heart of God, his good nature, his love, his service, how he very literally gave his whole life to serve others. And I myself began to experience that through people that knew him. I began to see the heart of God on display through those that discipled me and taught me about him. They didn’t just teach me about Jesus, they SHOWED me him. And I began to trust him. 

Jesus came to seek and to save the lost. He doesn’t do that with ill intentions, with harsh rules or with a sword. He does that with love and service and a steady eye on what needs to be healed in a person. That’s why I can confidently say that the rainbow isn’t about pride or about a person’s sexuality, as it is about God’s promise. Just as God is drawing a gay TikTok star named Leo to himself, he is doing it with chords of kindness. He is not looking firstly at his sin, as much as he is at healing him, teaching him and welcoming him into his Kingdom. A Kingdom that is not of this world. 

But, as I have known Christ, and as we can see in his ministry, he eventually brings us to a place where we get to decide if it's our way or his way. If we will receive his words, or if we will twist them to our own destruction (2 Peter 3:16). God is clear that the way is narrow and difficult that leads to life and few find it (Matthew 7:14). This was true for the disciples, and it is still true today. 

God is not trying to make homosexuals heterosexual. He is trying to make sinners holy. How he does that is different for each person. I know of one woman who said she was lesbian and her now husband is the only man that she’s ever been attracted to, and that was because she was following God and he ordained it. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added onto you” (Matthew 6:33). Others choose a life of celibacy, which, though difficult, is worth it if you’re literally in covenant with Love. I have also seen many other transgender folks who have detransititioned when they encountered the love of God that was powerful enough to break the self-rejection that they had been in bondage to over themselves. God’s path is different for each person. And I say this with meekness and understanding. I can understand the rage. I myself had it, but his love washed over all those rigid and rocky places in my heart so I could trust him in even this area. I don’t know why God has decided that it’s not holy, but his Word, to me, is clear.

I am not claiming to be above anyone else, and I know how core it is to a person—it’s their deepest desires usually. But with God, he can give us new desires, just as he can give us new hearts (Ezekiel 36:26). I myself can say that God is taking me through a path that I wouldn’t have chosen for myself in this life, so I understand why it's hard to swallow. I don’t agree with the way that it’s been pushed as if that sin is worse than another, hence the reason I don’t speak on it often. But in light of a whole month being dedicated to something that God is against, and now I’m specifically talking about the pride in it, I figured I could bring another message. I know that God calls us to suffer with him so that we may be glorified with him (2 Timothy 2:12), and I truly believe that any suffering we must endure in this light is not worth comparing to what good is to come. Call me brainwashed, but I’ve seen too much of him to be swayed any other direction. And also, I know that each person must bear their own cross. 

So in conclusion, I believe that John the Baptist did a good job at preparing the way for Jesus’ ministry by preaching repentance and the Kingdom of God. I won’t swerve from that message. But the Bible also says that the spirit that John the Baptist had, aka “the spirit of Elijah”, it says that it will be present in the world before Christ’s second coming. And I am choosing to not bow to the world and its demands for acceptance of things that Christ himself won’t accept. He will return, with eyes of fire and a sword, he won’t be a lamb at his return. He will come against all sin and wickedness. And I am grateful for this, even if I don’t understand why homosexuality is a sin. I know that the rest of it: murder, hatred, stealing, lying, and if you know any of my story, then yes even witchcraft, I know that all THAT has made this world a very hard place to live. And so I will trust him in his judgement.

He doesn’t need us to follow him, and yet he invites us to. For many are called, but few are chosen (Matthew 22:14).